S3 E21 - The Biggest Networking Mistakes (and What to Do Instead) [Part 3 of Your Favorite Business]

What actually makes networking work and why does it feel so uncomfortable for so many people?

In this episode, Sophia breaks down the biggest mistakes people make at networking events and offers a refresh  approach to building relationships that actually lead to opportunities (without feeling slimy, salesy, or cringe).

You’ll hear why treating networking like a transaction almost always backfires, and how shifting into a mindset of curiosity, generosity, and genuine connection creates far better long-term results. Sophia shares real stories from nearly two decades of networking experience to show why being fully yourself is not a liability, but your greatest advantage.

She also walks you through how to clearly and confidently explain what you do without rambling, confusing people, or launching into an awkward elevator pitch, and why clarity is one of the most underrated networking skills. You’ll learn how to create a simple one-liner that helps people instantly “get” what you do, remember you later, and refer you naturally.

Finally, Sophia covers how to think about follow-up in a way that feels aligned and sustainable, whether that’s inviting someone to coffee, a consult, or simply staying connected over time.

If you want to grow your business through relationships, referrals, and word-of-mouth, this episode is for you. 

To register for the free webinar No More Cringe: A Simple, Human Way to Network and Grow Your Business, happening December 18 at 1 p.m. EST, Click here. 

Purchase your copy of Unleash Your Favorite Self book and the corresponding journal.

Interested in one-on-one coaching? Click here to schedule a Roadmap session with Sophia.

Download the Favorite Self app in the Apple Store or Google Play.

Connect with Sophia on Facebook, Instagram or YouTube

Have a topic you would love to hear Sophia address on the podcast? Send your ideas to hello@sophiahyde.com

Transcript

Sophia Hyde (00:01.186)
Hello, welcome back. Coming to you from official like winter, winter weather in the mountains. We spent the last week figuring out how to use our wood stove. Yesterday, it was 12 degrees outside with a feels like of four. I am officially not in Florida anymore, guys. I think of that, you know, from.

The Wizard of Oz when she says, total, we are not in Kansas. This has been a week of kids. We are not in Florida, but it's been lovely. my gosh. The peacefulness of the fire. I love it. And the winter is such a good time to just do like house projects. was unboxing things that had just been left in the basement, like the old photo albums and yearbooks and things. And it's been lovely.

And a couple of quick housekeeping things. There's a link in the show notes for the free webinar that's gonna be on Thursday, teaching how to not be cringe at networking events and how to actually enjoy them in 2026. Have fun growing your business through word of mouth. I can't wait to dive into that with those of you who've registered for it. And...

The retreat is still open. There are still spots available. We've got three of the cabins. So I reserved five, three or four. So there are still some more spots if you wanna join us. April 30th through May 3rd up here in the Blue Ridge Mountains outside of Asheville. The women who have joined so far, we have so many.

just really cool badass women coming. And so I can't wait to see who else is gonna fill those last few spots before they're gone. All right, let's dive into today's topic. So we started the conversation last week around how to own a room. And that had a lot more to do with like how you show up and your energy, which is very important. But today I wanna get into some more specifics. Like what actually...

Sophia Hyde (02:23.054)
to do in the room, okay? And some of the biggest mistakes that I see people make. The number one biggest mistake that people make when they are going to a networking event is they, and I mean, I did this when I was, I started networking when I was 20 and I'm 39 now, so I've been doing this for 19 years. And I definitely saw every single room in the beginning, this is a very beginner mistake to make, is to see the room as like,

my job is to sell something here. And these people are all potential customers. That was how I showed up when I first began and it is how many people begin. And it is not the most effective strategy. It's the thing you need to learn about networking is that it is about building a network, right? I'm sure you've heard that saying.

Your network is your net worth. It's about investing in people, building relationships, cultivating friendships. And some of you might be out there thinking, I ain't got time for that. I need to make money in my business. Okay, I get that. You will inevitably, if you are selling a product or a service that people want and there is a need for and you're adding value.

the more people that understand what you do, you will end up with sales. But it's just you need to think of it as like a side effect of networking or a symptom of networking. But it's not the purpose or the cause. It's not the reason you're showing up in that room, because if you show up in that room with this energy of taking, I am here to get something from these people. It's slimy. It doesn't feel good. You will feel like you're with this is something I saw a lot.

when I spent four years working for a chamber of commerce and so like my job was to organize a lot of those events and we would have members be frustrated or leave the organization because they thought that they were like, I've got three events and nobody's wanted my plumbing service and you're just like, dude, come on, do they even know you like you trust you? Right? You.

Sophia Hyde (04:46.89)
There's like a short-term game you're playing and a long-term game you're playing. And it's not just like I show up to this event and I expect to walk away with something. People do business with people, not with businesses. And so when you're out there building relationships, a big part of this is that you're investing in people and letting people get to know you. The energy that I like to show up to a networking event with and what...

gives the best ROI, like I've seen people who are very successful networking, is when you show up with an energy of giving. I am here to help. I am here to invest. I care about these people. Like, I know that not everybody is going to be like your family, but if you have a genuine, just like a care for humanity, right? Understand that all these people in the room are just human beings with the same typical

needs and fears and concerns and stuff that you see everywhere, right? All of us, we're just humans, right? And so if you can understand that your job is to build relationships with these people and then investing in people over time, you will be able to help some of them and give to their businesses. And a byproduct will be you'll end up with some clients in the short term and in the long term. But it's

It's all about the relationship. That is the biggest thing that people miss. It is not a taking energy. Okay. So that's point number one. The second thing is to understand when you're in these rooms is your job is to be yourself. Just be yourself. One of the other large mistakes that people make.

They try to bend Shape shift and adjust to how they think the other people in the room want them to behave look whatever I had a specific coaching client comes to mind that I worked with last year and She was going to this event. She had been there quite a few times, but Over the years it was like this annual event that she got invited to because her friend put it on and she was like I just

Sophia Hyde (07:06.552)
She was a very, this client was a very confident woman and she was like, Sophia, I always feel so insecure when I'm in that room and I, and it doesn't feel good. And that particular room had a lot of wealthy women in it every year who wore designer clothes and carry designer purses. And my client, pretty fair off financially. Like she could buy whatever she wants, travel wherever she wants. She has a lot of discretionary income.

And yet in that room, she somehow managed to feel insecure. And when we dug into it, it was because she was showing up in this room and that's not a thing she places value on. Like her clothes always look nice. She's a very beautiful woman, but she doesn't really care about designer clothes or designer purses. And so when she was in this room, she would feel like, I don't know that I fit in here. Do I belong here?

And we had this whole conversation around like, that is so irrelevant. It is completely irrelevant because you could show up to a room like that. And what you want is for people to like know who you are, to get your vibe. And again, seven, two, one rule, only like 20 % of the room is likely to connect with you anyway. And so I said, imagine this cool chick comes in, right? So you've got all these

you know, more high end designer type people. And this woman walks in and she's some form of an artist. She's a jewelry maker or she handmade pottery or something. And she is wearing flowy clothes that she got at a thrift store. And she wears her hair with like flyaways everywhere. And then the purse she's carrying is one that she like made herself from like scrap fabric. And she looks so unique and so cool. You cannot.

Convince me that there wouldn't be people in the room who are like that woman is so cool I love how free-spirited she is and my gosh She hand makes story or she hand makes pottery like I would love to see some of her work I want to see her website people are not Thinking like the product or service this person creates. They're not thinking you have to look like me dress like me act like me You don't need to be a mirror for me to like the thing you have to offer right and so

Sophia Hyde (09:30.987)
The most important thing for you to do in a room is to be on brand for yourself. For me personally, I also am not a person who spends my money on designer things. It's just never, I don't care how other people do, it's just never been my vibe. So if somebody is in their head, if they have a story, like I can only work with a coach who carries a Birkin bag, then I'm just not the coach for them. That's just not a place I'm ever gonna spend my money.

It's not my jam. Man, I can take a vacation to Europe for the price of that Birkin bag. It's just not interesting to me. So I will probably either not have, I don't like having a purse on me in general at an networking event. So you're probably either gonna not see me on one or for five years I carried a Kate Spade fanny pack that I freaking loved. And I loved my fanny pack. So I could show up to an event, maybe have a fanny pack around my waist. If not, I probably found some corner to set it on. The purse I am carrying never even crossed my mind.

when I am talking to somebody, because I am just myself. So I am a life coach. I'm likely gonna be talking to them, asking them questions about their life, being curious about who they are. And if they're gonna vibe with me, they're gonna vibe with my energy, not the purse I'm carrying. If they are thinking to themselves, I need a coach to help me with this goal or this problem that I have, they...

99 % of people are not going to evaluate whether they know, like, or trust this life coach based on the kind of purse they carry. And so I want you to consider when you're walking in a room, it's totally OK if you are not like everybody else. The more unique you are, the more you're going to stand out. I worked with a client for a year who was in a very male-dominated field. And actually, I interviewed her. You can scroll back through the episodes. It was,

I don't remember what I titled it, but her job was that she has, she's an expert on bugs. And we worked on her confidence because she go into these, you know, networking events and she works with like critters and her clients. She consults with like pest control companies for them to know how to work with like obscure situations because she's an expert on all things bugs. And so when she walks into a room, most people are not going to have a lot in common with her.

Sophia Hyde (11:54.191)
She's very nerdy and loves science and it's just not a typical thing in a business situation. And so we coached a lot on how she could show up and be herself. But I said, how cool, like when I hear that you have such a unique job, my brain immediately goes to that's fascinating, tell me more. And so she stands out in a room because her job is so different.

But are there people who are like, work with bugs and they don't understand it and they think it's kind of weird and then they don't want to network with her? Yeah, yeah, that's a thing. It is a thing, right? It's not gonna be everybody's jam, but you're not trying to connect with everybody. So what you wanna do is be the most confident version of your unique self. That way you're like a lighthouse and the people who are looking for your kind of energy can find it. All right, the next thing to know when you're at a networking event.

is you have got to find the most bullet pointed, clear, concise way to communicate what you do. I know I said something else was the biggest mistake, but this might even be a bigger mistake, is that people don't know how to talk about their product or service. And so what I recommend when talking to people is to find a one-liner, because actually this kind of goes with one of the other bullet points for today.

which is when you're talking to people at an event, you want to be interested in them instead of trying to be interesting. Your job at a networking event is not to do all the talking and try to come off as this really interesting person. If you're doing a lot of the talking or most of the talking in a conversation, you're not investing in them.

Right? You want to be the one asking the questions. You want to go in and be curious about people. Because if you're doing all of the talking, then that person who also came to network for their business is not feeling seen. They're not feeling heard. Right? The best people at a networking event or just in business in general and sales in general are the best listeners because you're curious and you're finding out what's going on with them. And then

Sophia Hyde (14:19.628)
you would have the ability to make a good recommendation if you're really hearing what's going on in their life or their problem or their situation, right? And so you want to be interested, not interesting. Well, this goes back to how to talk about yourself. Because one of the mistakes people do is when someone is like, you know, what is it that you do? They might launch into this elevator pitch or this whole paragraph or this big explanation. I've even heard people. I have heard people.

who teach, and I disagree with this, I don't find it the most effective, but there are people who help people come up with confusing ways to talk about what they do. Instead of saying, I am a life coach, they would teach me to say something like, I don't know, I don't have a quippy thing off the top of my head, but something convoluted like, I help people achieve their goals and become their favorite self.

And there's something you need to know about the brain. I talk about this all the time. A confused mind says no. So when I have this like quippy, convoluted, kind of vague answer, when people are like, what do you do? And I give them this paragraph of something, their brain's gonna go, I don't understand. And then remember, people are just trying to make small talk. Most people in the room feel awkward. And so when they don't know what to say back to that,

they're likely to change the subject or talk to somebody else or ask you a question that may or may not even be helpful in the direction you want to talk about with your business. It can just get muddy. And so the most effective thing to do, whether it's, mean, this applies not just to networking events, but your website, your emails, your conversations, everything, the more clear, simple and concise you can be, the more effective you can be. And so what I have found,

is when people ask me what I do, I give it the shortest possible answer and then I turn the conversation back to them. So when someone is like, what do you do? I say, I'm a life coach and how about blah, blah, blah? And I answer it and then I answer it with a short statement and then another question about them. And you're like, Sophia, if all I'm doing is asking people questions, when do get to promote my business?

Sophia Hyde (16:45.056)
It is really normal when people have done a lot of talking. There is typically a point in a conversation when they go, when they think to themselves, my gosh, I've been doing all the talking. I don't know anything about this person. Eventually they're likely to ask you something, but you want it to, you want to let them ask those questions and not like info jump all over them. That doesn't feel good. And so the other thing I'll do, so I usually will just say, I'm a life coach and then flip it back to them.

And then after that, it a lot of times will come back to me again, they'll be like, oh, so tell me about coaching or what about it or what kind of do you do or whatever? I will try to find. There's a million people I have helped in a million different ways, but I will have like a very simple statement that people can have a visual in their brain of what it of what kind of people I help. So, for example.

I've gotten clients from networking events when I was able to word something in a way that can like resonate with somebody. So for one time I can think of when someone was like, what kind of coaching, what kind of life coaching you need to do? I said, I helped teach women how to put themselves at the top of their to-do list because they're always prioritizing everybody else. And a woman overheard me say that and she was like, my God, I need you in my life. Tell me more. Okay. And then another time,

One that really resonates with people is I've talked a lot about how, yeah, I'm a coach. A lot of my clients are women who have both, they're both a mother and a business owner at the same time. And it's just a lot of mental load. So I help them make that mental load a lot smaller and make their lives easier because they're carrying so much. And when a woman who is at the intersection of motherhood and owning a business hears that.

she like claws at me, my God, I need to talk to you. Because you're stating their problem in such a clear way. And so I try to talk about, if I am gonna talk about my business, I try to talk about it in a way that I describe both the problem and the solution in one sentence, maybe two. Go back to that one I said where I help women.

Sophia Hyde (19:09.902)
put themselves at the top of their to-do list because usually they're prioritizing everybody else. Okay, what is the problem? The problem is women prioritizing everybody else over themselves. And what is the solution? help you put, the solution is working with a coach to get yourself at the top of the list, right? It's super clear. Is that the only thing I do? No.

But at a networking event, people don't want to hear the 50 ways I can help people. They just want something, a one-liner, really simple way of what they can visualize. You want people to be able to have a story in their head of what you do. So go back to the client I have who works with bugs. She had like a lot of humorous ways to talk about it. But at the end of the day, it's like, yeah, she's a bug expert, but she's the...

I work with pest control companies. Most of the time they know how to get rid of the basic bugs, but then when a situation is really hard and they're stuck, I'm the expert that they call for the really unique circumstances. Like, I get that. I understand that. When you tell me you're an entomologist, which is what she technically is, and if she's going around in a networking event and saying, I'm an entomologist, people are like, huh, what? Remember, a confused mind says no. So instead of saying, I'm an entomologist, she says,

I'm the bug lady and people are like, what? What does that mean? And then the story they walk away with is, I have a visual of what she does. That's all people want to do. The human brain is obsessed with labeling things. they all somebody, stranger that you're meeting, all they want to do is they just want to figure out like, what do I do with this person? What kind of box do I put them in? How do I label them? And I'm not saying that that's a good thing that we do it or that's the way we should move to the world.

It's just the reality of how our brains work. And so I try to just expedite that and think what kind of labels do, how do I want them to organize me in their minds? I want people to think of me as a woman, like, if I meet somebody who was a really overwhelmed business owner, especially a business woman, like, I met this woman at this everything event who could help you.

Sophia Hyde (21:33.783)
Because notice what I described, a woman who's not the top of her to-do list, a woman who's trying to balance motherhood and business ownership. So many of my clients are in states of overwhelm, and that's when they come to me. It's not all of them know that it's not all my clients, but it's a good enough chunk, it's enough to give a visual that somebody who meets me for the first time can understand that I take somebody in that state and help make their lives easier, right?

It's a story, it's a label, they can attach to it, they can visualize it, and then they can keep going with their day. Okay? The last tip, so tip number five, is to always be in control of the follow-up. So I learned from my mentor in business, Stacey Bayman, she is a business coach for Life Coaches, but the principle that she teaches is that your job and how you go your business is...

meeting new people, telling them what you do and making offers to help. And the way you make an offer is gonna be based on what you've learned about them. But at the very least, the offer that I will usually make is, sometimes, so when I've hit those, when somebody really resonated and they're like, my God, I need you in my life, then the offer I make is let's hop on a call. Let's schedule a consult or let's just hop on a Zoom call and we'll chat through it, right?

So, but I don't offer that to every person. That doesn't always feel like the right next step. Sometimes if I just find somebody really interesting and I like them and wanna get to know them better, cause that's part of what networking is, meeting people and then just building relationships. Sometimes my offer might be, let's grab lunch sometime, let's grab coffee sometime, let's go on a walk. I'm actually on Wednesday, I'm having dinner with somebody who I met at a networking event, right? But.

You want to, so the offer can be like, let's just get together to just deepen the relationship, to make a friendship or a connection. The person I'm having dinner with this week, I have no intentions of selling her. I don't actually even think that she needs what I offer. She is somebody who is both a mother and a business owner, but I don't, nothing has given me the vibe that she needs to hire me. I just think she's really cool and I like her and I like building new relationships with new cool people.

Sophia Hyde (23:50.435)
and I just move through the world in a way that I'm always growing my network. And so when I meet somebody I think is cool, I just want to get to know them better. I have no intention of selling her anything. But that's a normal offer. Because the thing is, again, you're growing your network. Your job is just to meet more people, tell them what you do, and make offers. But at the very least, if I don't know what else to offer, if this isn't a person I see myself wanting to grab coffee or dinner with, like it doesn't, or lunch or whatever,

If that doesn't make sense for the offer and a consultation doesn't make sense for the offer, then at the very least, I will say to them, why don't we follow each other on social media? Do you have a business page? I'd love to follow it. My offer is let me support you by being a follow. Most people have a business account on social media and they want their numbers to be bigger. And all I say is I offer to follow them. And most of the time they follow me back. I don't ask them to, I don't expect it of them.

But I'm like, hey, are you on Instagram? Or what kind of social media do you like to use? I'd love to give you a follow. And then they will usually follow me back. And I can't tell you how many of my relationships have actually come out of that long term. So one of the speaking gigs that I did this fall was a result of a woman who I sat next to at a luncheon three years ago.

She just had cool energy. I liked her vibes. We didn't really have any comment. It didn't make any sense for me to offer a consult to her or offer for us to stick together. That didn't feel natural, but she was just kind of cool. And so I said, Arjona Sushmina, I'd love to follow you. And so I started following her three years ago. She followed me back. And then we often just comment and DM on each other's stories, and we followed along. And then an opportunity popped up. And.

she was looking for guest speakers for something and I was like, hey, you realize I do this, right? I'd love to come to your group. And she's like, let's make it happen. And we had to schedule it in nine months out. that's like, but when I offered to follow her on Instagram and she followed me back in my head, I didn't see it as, maybe she'll be my client one day or maybe she'll open a door for me one day. I wasn't trying to get anything transactional out of this.

Sophia Hyde (26:14.03)
I just have this state of mind I moved to the world where it is my job to go into the world, meet new people, grow the number of new people that know who I am, and they know what I do, and be helpful when I can. And like that offer, I offered to follow her, and then later when I saw that she was part of this organization, I offered to be a speaker for their event. I was like, hey, you guys are looking for speakers? And I volunteered myself to it, right? And it worked out.

And I did, I did the speaking engagement, it led to a client. But that's just the natural organic process. There are plenty of people who I have offered to follow on Instagram and I comment on their stuff and we engage and it has never led to business. And I don't care, I'm not trying to get anything out of them. I just have this belief system that if I keep expanding my network and knowing more people and just moving to the world with a helpful energy,

The rest will work itself out. And that is what it means to network and to build your network and to grow your network is to move through the world in a way where you're just making new friendships. And I'm not talking about a new BFF where you have to text each other all the time and make plans on the calendar. There are so many people that are in my network who I only see them at

of like, you know, we go to the same organizations events or we follow each other on social media, right? But so when I say friends, I'm meaning it in that like loose, more of an acquaintance type of way. But the more acquaintances that you have who know what you do. Your business will grow if you're communicating about it very clearly and they understand it.

If you're out there meeting new people and you can't communicate your product or service in a way that people understand it, you won't see these referrals. You won't get clients out of it. You will spin your wheels and spend a lot of energy meeting all these people and never seeing any referrals out of it because people can't see a picture of how you're helping, what it is that you're doing.

Sophia Hyde (28:36.824)
So that's why one of the steps today was to not be confusing, be crystal clear. Let them, they have to be able to paint a picture and see it in their heads and understand it. And if it feels confusing, then you haven't found the right way to talk about your business and that's your work. That's your next step to find the crystal clear way to explain what you do. So, all right, that's it for today. For those of you who wanna keep learning this and keep diving into this topic and get some,

coaching around this, dive into some Q &A's, show up on Thursday. I'm gonna teach more about you growing your business organically, taking the cringe out, and I will stay on after the call for some Q &A and coaching if you're on there live. For those of you who make it, I will see you then. Otherwise, I will talk to you guys later. See you back next week. Bye!